Learning to get comfortable with ourselves – the bits that rub us and others up. How do we learn self-mastery, and can getting used to new shoes teach us anything? Self-mastery strikes me as a key part of Emotional Intelligence. Wearing ourselves in – so we are comfortable (enough) to be in relationship with is the start to any coaching journey. So working out where your shoes rub is important – because they’ll probably rub others too…

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My son Bill at the ripe old age of 16 has decided that Clarks Velcro fastening shoes just aren’t cutting it in his social circle anymore. We have branched out and bought some rather rigid looking mock Doc lace-ups. Unfortunately, one wear had covered his rather box shaped ‘plates of meat’ with blisters. On his second outing from the house he was walking like Mr. Tumnus on his tiptoes, leaving me feeling worried about his pinkies; and also wondering if there was good blog material in it… so here goes…

I’ve felt like the first forty years of my life has been about wearing uncomfortable shoes – for this read my personality – I like bits about the uncomfortable shoes and the way they fit; but there are bits that rub me and others up the wrong way, making it difficult to walk. What I notice as I am now a lady in my 6th decade (how can that be?!), is that despite the fact that the shoes are looking worn (can I really keep stretching the shoe metaphor?), and some may say not looking the most fashionable; they do in fact feel much more comfortable than they used to. The leather is softer and more flexible. They rub less; and seem to rub others less to. There’s more give in them… more willingness to let others be themselves; and less need to hang onto the defended / rigid position of, “This is me; take me as you find me”. What’s wrong with flexing a littl e/ or a lot – if you have that capacity? That capacity can grow in us, and we need to nurture it. I see this capacity to flex in others (and absence of it in others too), and then want to be more that way myself. As with most things the first steps lie in awareness of how we actually are; and in then wanting to be different.

How do your shoes fit? Where do they pinch? How are you having to walk in them to prevent them from rubbing?